A Kuruman clergyman nabbed by his ‘work of art’

Approximately 600km north-west of the bustling economic hub of Africa, Johannesburg; lies a small town in the Northern Cape Province, known as Kuruman. The town is situated in the Kgalagadi region, distorted by colonists as ‘Kalahari’; and it is bordered by the North West Province on the north-eastern side. The large amounts of water that come from the mineral spring have earned Kuruman the title ‘Oasis of the Kalahari’. It is estimated that 20 million litres of water flow daily from ‘Die Oog’ or ‘The Eye’, as the mineral spring is called. Another fact that contributes to Kuruman’s tourism apart from its irrepressible scenic beauty and recent booming of mines, it is the home of the Moffat Mission. Moffat Mission was built by the Scottish missionary Robert Moffat in 1821, and it is here where he first translated and printed the Holy Book (Bible) into Setswana. When the famous Scottish explorer David Livingstone was first posted as a missionary, he stayed at Moffat Mission in Kuruman. It is for this reason that the hometown of yours truly is sometimes referred to as the ‘fountain of Christianity’; how ironic.

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It should also be noted that the famous Sanusi Credo Mutwa calls this wonderful town home, residing about 10km north of Kuruman in the rural township of Magojaneng. This is how most planet inhabitants know Kuruman. But to some Methodist pastor at Mothibistad, the largest township in Kuruman, this was not enough. That the surroundings areas of Kuruman are responsible for 48% of the world’s iron ore was not enough publicity. He needed to take a nude picture of himself to ensure that Kuruman’s publicity image was elevated.

It is alleged that the pastor, like Moruti Nkweng of the rural Dikeneng, too was engaging in ‘extracurricular activities’. According to reports, the pastor whose name I do not recall and shall henceforth refer to as pastor Nude Selfie, had an epiphany and took a naked picture of himself and sent it to several female members of his congregation; some married just like the good pastor. An astute reader is probably wondering how I know of this mishap on the part of pastor Nude Selfie of the Methodist Church in Mothibistad. As the controversial futurist Raymond Kurzweil once noted: ‘Technology is a double-edged sword.’ The good pastor’s nude was leaked to the press by the husband of one of the wives whom the pastor had been having an illicit liaison with. The husband whom we shall call Petrus Dikele had been a friend of the good pastor for many years. He must have been too focused on other matters to notice that the clergyman is coveting his wife.

After hearing rumours that the Messenger of God has been contributing his fair share in his bedroom, Petrus Dikele had to find out from the horse’s mouth. Starting with his wife, he questioned her if she had been generous with the forbidden fruit, an allegation which she blatantly denied. Poor Petrus, presumably the butt of jokes in the entire town of Kuruman and surrounding areas, confronted his friend the good pastor of the Methodist Church in Mothibistad, and he too like Judas Iscariot denied these allegations. Probably not convinced by lies told by his friend and wife, Petrus approached the church council to investigate. Some members of the church council found the rumours to be true; that indeed pastor Nude Selfie had been drinking at Mr Dikele’s well but nothing was done to punish his old pal of many years.

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Feeling betrayed by his friend and wife, and justice not being served by the church council, Petrus Dikele was prepared to let go until he discovered that his friend has been sending pictures of himself naked to other women in the area. He was not to let this one go. This was his chance to expose the good pastor. Petrus Dikele, the husband of Mpho Dikele, saw the media as his only justice. He therefore leaked the artistic self-portrait of his once trusted friend to the Diamond Fields Advertiser (DFA) newspaper, and they ran with the story. I am assuming that the paper made quite some profit from the pastor’s work of art.

Before leaking the parson’s picture in a rather compromising position to the Kimberly based newspaper, Petrus Dikele had once again confronted his wife Mpho about her alleged affair with the good pastor; and this time she confirmed the rumours to be true. The guilt of betrayal must have been burrowing a huge hole through her conscience and as the saying goes, the truth set her free. Petrus asked to see his wife’s phone but she denied. Could it be that the good pastor’s portrait of art was the one decorating Mrs Dikele’s mobile device as wallpaper?

That the man of God could do such a treacherous deed to his friend is not my place to judge. But it is certain that if ever pastor Nude Selfie makes it again to the pulpit to preach the word of his Maker, his congregation will forever look at him from a different angle. And that this unthinkable act of betrayal has blemished the once graceful reputation of the good pastor and his colleagues is a memory that will not be easily erased from the public’s mind. But then again, our memories are short and like a certain pensioner from the rural Nkandla, the good pastor could survive this and come out from this predicament stronger than ever. Kgotsong!

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